


be gay, do crimes, avoid getting arrested

by sconekitty



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Spoilers for Sae's Palace and beyond, chatfic, literally I just wanted to make a chatfic after reading 2 thieves on the moon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-19 02:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15500241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sconekitty/pseuds/sconekitty
Summary: mom friend: Will you please just be somewhat nice to him?[hacker voice] im gay: nonasty crimeboi: Noho mo rules: nonasty crimeboi: See? Three on one.





	be gay, do crimes, avoid getting arrested

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: "gay baby jail is a valid form of punishment"
> 
> (aka please don't take this fic super seriously it's literally a meme fic inspired from 2 thieves on the moon)

26 October 20xx, 21:31

 

- **nasty crimeboi** created the chat “akechi roast session”-

 

**[hacker voice] im gay:** SDFKJDHFKLDJLK

**[hacker voice] im gay:** I CANT BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY MADE THIS

**nasty crimeboi:** Listen, I couldn’t think of any other names for this chat. Plus, I want a chat that’s Akechi-free for my own sanity.

**[hacker voice] im gay:** are you  _ sure _ thats the only reason u made this

**nasty crimeboi:** …

**nasty crimeboi:** Okay so it might be to roast Akechi. A  _ little _ .

**nasty crimeboi:** But there’s another matter at hand I’d like to discuss once everyone’s here.

**mom friend:** Please tell me we’re not going to roast Akechi  _ again _ .

**nasty crimeboi:** Would you be mad if we did?

**mom friend:** …

**nasty crimeboi:** Thought so.

**mom friend:** Will you please just be somewhat nice to him?

**[hacker voice] im gay:** no

**nasty crimeboi:** No

**ho mo rules:** no

**nasty crimeboi:** See? Three on one.

**nasty crimeboi:** (Thanks Ryuji)

**ho mo rules:** (i gotchu  <3)

**mom friend:** ...at least show some civility?

**nasty crimeboi:** I’ll think about it.

**mom friend:** He  _ can  _ report us to the police, you know.

**mom friend:** And that would cause some trouble for a certain leader of ours…

**nasty crimeboi:** Point.

**nasty crimeboi:** But I still like the chat name

**mom friend:** That’s fair.

**2 gfs 1 girl:** oh we’re roasting akechi here???

**ho mo rules:** yes

**nasty crimeboi:** No.

**nasty crimeboi:** Makoto is doing her nagging mom thing again.

**mom friend:** I’m just trying to help you avoid going to juvie.

**nasty crimeboi:** You’re no fun :(

 

- **nasty crimeboi** changed  **mom friend** ’s name to  **worst mom ever** -

 

**worst mom ever:** Are we abusing mod privileges now?

**worst mom ever:** In that case…

 

- **worst mom ever** assigned  **nasty crimeboi** the role “gay baby jail”-

 

- **worst mom ever** changed their nickname to  **mom friend** -

 

**[hacker voice] im gay:** pft

**[hacker voice] im gay:** i didn’t think we’d ever use that role

**[hacker voice] im gay:** let alone on akira

**mom friend:** It’s better than real jail.

**mom friend:** Plus, he can still see our posts this way.

**2 gfs 1 girl:** makoto ily

**ho mo rules:** i cant believe you silenced my boyfriend

**mom friend:** He had it coming.

**ho mo rules:** f

**[hacker voice] im gay:** f

**2 gfs 1 girl:** f

**wannabe bob ross:** Well, that’s a way to enter this chat

**wannabe bob ross:** Should I be typing F too?

**ho mo rules:** you press f to pay respects for akira being put in gay baby jail

**wannabe bob ross:** I see.

**wannabe bob ross:** F

**ho mo rules:** sdlhakljdhkj

**[hacker voice] im gay:** hold on akiras spamming me

 

- **[hacker voice] im gay** removed  **nasty crimeboi** from the role “gay baby jail”-

 

**nasty crimeboi:** Thanks for bailing me out taba

**[hacker voice] im gay:** thats what siblings do

**nasty crimeboi:** Also, nice name Yusuke

**wannabe bob ross:** Futaba changed it for me.

**wannabe bob ross:** I quite like it, thought I have no idea how to change it again.

**[hacker voice] im gay:** >:O !!!

**[hacker voice] im gay:** ARE YOU SERIOUS RN INARI

 

- **[hacker voice] im gay** changed  **wannabe bob ross** ’s nickname to  **whats a computer** -

 

**whats a computer:** Thanks, I hate it.

**whats a computer:** That does not help me at all.

**[hacker voice] im gay:** <3

**space heiress:** I apologize for being late, but hello!

**nasty crimeboi:** Don’t worry, you didn’t miss much.

**nasty crimeboi:** Though now that the gang’s all here, I suppose I should tell you all why I gathered you here tonight.

**[hacker voice] im gay:** memes?

**nasty crimeboi:** Yes, memes. But also because of Akechi.

**ho mo rules:** so we ARE gonna roast him!

**mom friend:** NO

**nasty crimeboi:** Yes, but this time it’s for a real reason.

**nasty crimeboi:** Morgana and I both think he knew about us for a while and he’s being super sketchy about it.

**ho mo rules:** you could say hes bein… asketchy

**2 gfs 1 girl:** goro asketchy

**2 gfs 1 girl:** FUCK

**ho mo rules:** ahahahaha

**space heiress:** What do you mean by that, Akira-kun?

**nasty crimeboi** : @ 2 gfs 1 girl  f

**nasty crimeboi:** Anyway, remember how he acted all surprised when Morgana spoke? Clearly a bad acting job.

**2 gfs 1 girl:** good thing hes a detective and not an actor

**[hacker voice] im gay:** tho hes on tv so often youd think hed pick up some acting skills SOMEWHERE

**[hacker voice] im gay:** amateur

**nasty crimeboi:** Right??

**nasty crimeboi:** The point here is, he’s definitely heard Morgana speak before.

**mom friend:** But where?

**nasty crimeboi:** Ryuji, Ann. Remember when we ran into him at the TV station?

**ho mo rules:** yea he just butted in outta nowhere

**2 gfs 1 girl:** he thought we were going to get pancakes somewhere or something lmao

**whats a computer:** What’s so significant about pancakes?

**nasty crimeboi:** Morgana was the only one who even said the word pancakes in that conversation.

**nasty crimeboi:** For context, he didn’t know what Dome Town was called. So it was “that pancake-looking place” or something like that. Idk.

**ho mo rules:** holy hell

**ho mo rules:** how do you even remember that?

**nasty crimeboi:** To be fair, Morgana remembered the pancake thing. I just thought something was off about how he reacted to Morgana.

**nasty crimeboi:** Everyone else here was like “what the hell why does this cat talk is this real life”

**nasty crimeboi:** But he was just. So chill about it.

**2 gfs 1 girl:** so you think he was being too chill?

**2 gfs 1 girl:** thats hilarious since i thought he had none to begin with

**nasty crimeboi:** Lmaooooooo

**mom friend:** Now that I think about it, you’re right. He did seem surprisingly calm, considering there was a literal talking cat in his presence.

**mom friend:** This is worth investigating.

**nasty crimeboi:** Taba?

**[hacker voice] im gay:** yea yea ill see what i can do

**[hacker voice] im gay:** but if it comes to actual talking thats on you guys

**[hacker voice] im gay:** i dont get paid enough to do that

**whats a computer:** You don’t get paid at all.

**[hacker voice] im gay:** i know its tragic

**nasty crimeboi:** Sometimes you just gotta be gay and do some crimes without the pay.

 

- **[hacker voice] im gay** changed the chat name to “be gay do crimes”-

 

**nasty crimeboi:** Okay that is now my new favorite chat name. You’re the best.

**[hacker voice] im gay:** i know -w-

**mom friend:** We should hold a meeting soon to discuss our options in person and not over group chat.

**nasty crimeboi:** Yea you’re right.

**nasty crimeboi:** Does Friday work for everyone?

**[hacker voice] im gay:** yea

**ho mo rules:** anytime works for me dude

**whats a computer:** Sure

**space heiress:** I’ll have to make sure there are no meetings about the company that day. Give me one moment.

**nasty crimeboi:** Sure thing.

**2 gfs 1 girl:** i think i have a modeling thing but i can reschedule if it means we can verbally roast akechi

**nasty crimeboi:** Deal.

**2 gfs 1 girl:** cool i’ll be free then

**mom friend:** Fortunately I don’t have a whole lot going on for student council, so I should be available as well.

**space heiress:** Looks like I have no meetings on Friday, so I will be free as well!

**nasty crimeboi:** Friday it is, then.

**nasty crimeboi:** I look forward to our inaugural “Roast Akechi Behind His Back” session

**mom friend:** That’s  _ not _ what it is, Akira.

**nasty crimeboi:** We can make it that, though.

**nasty crimeboi:** :3c

 

- **mom friend** assigned  **nasty crimeboi** the role “gay baby jail”- 

  
**ho mo rules:** rest in fucking pieces akira

**Author's Note:**

> come scream @ me over @ agender-akira.tumblr.com


End file.
